I am in Colorado. I've been here for two whole weeks.
I am from the midwest. I've lived there for my whole life.
An interesting thing has happened: I end up completely missing the mountains—those giant landmarks practically right in front of me. I just... forget about them. I walk around Fort Collins without bothering simply to look up and see the glory displayed in the snowy tips of the Rockies. Every now and then I raise my stare from beyond what is immediately in front of me and am astounded by the reminder that yes, I am in Colorado, and yes, there are mountains here.
When I realized this tendency to just miss mountains, I felt pretty stupid. How could I miss something so big! So new! So strikingly different from everything I've known! And yet I do. I just forget they're there.
The more I thought about it, I began to see how this correlates to other parts of my life, specifically my spiritual journey and my relationship with Christ.
Like the mountains, God is right in front of me. Being in a relationship with Him has brought me into a new world, where I can see Him and experience all His glory—a new, wonderful, and absolutely amazing place. Yet I am still born of this earth and have fully participated in it's citizenship for most of my life. I am still finite and have my human limitations.
You'd think that living somewhere totally different would make you notice the new things more, but sometimes you just go into autopilot and forget that you're a citizen of a new place.
I forget there are mountains right in front me, and I often forget that God is right in front of me, waiting for me to just look up and come to my senses.
Look up. Look to the mountains. Look to God. Look to His Glory.
"I lift up my eyes to the hills. From where does my help come?"
Psalm 121:1 (ESV)
Monday, June 29, 2009
Monday, June 22, 2009
Meeting God in a Grey World
Speak to most philosophers today about the search for truth and you might as well have said you were on a quest for unicorns. Tell them you believe in absolute moral truth and they will probably walk away, considering you uneducated, pitiable, and unworthy of their time in a debate.
Maybe that is a bit exaggerated, but from my experience as a student, it is not far from the truth (whoops, said it again).
Amazingly, truth is a hot-button word in our society. A conversation on the nature of truth, especially moral or religious truths, tends to go the same way as conversations about abortion or gay marriage: state beliefs, agree that what each other said was true (!) for them, and either leave or move on to other, most likely, less-threatening topics.
Less-threatening to what? To their security blanket of relativism.
But how secure is relativism? Agreeing that what someone else said was true for them simultaneously implies that it is false for you. But no one says, “what’s true for you is false for me!” Instead, they say, “what’s true for you is true for you and what is true for me is true for me!” Not only is that inanely redundant, it is an exercise in denial: denial of contrast.
Note how hard we avoid pointing out differences. Instead, we focus on more “positive” similarities. There is old cliché that what makes you different makes you beautiful, but that seems to stay within its safe range of self-esteem issues and continues to make ugly ducklings feel better about themselves.
Differences are celebrated unless they divide. If what makes you different makes you beautiful, we’re all beautiful. Oh goody.
Being separate is defining. Being different is defining. Definition is a source of truth. Definition gets you to the basics, the core, the roots.
Black and white.
R.C. Sproul quipped, “To meet God is a powerful study in contrasts.”
To meet God is to come into direct contact with what we are not, to recognize the defining separateness of God—the complete and utter inequality between Him and us.
Why is this so hard?
The world we live in is grey.
Not grey in the metaphorical sense of rain clouds and sad times—grey in the distinct lack of black and white, the distinct lack of contrast.
Our world is diverse, at least in people and cultures. Clearly, there is contrast there. Yet this is downplayed by relativism. Relativism seeks to hide ideological monotony under the guise of tolerant diversity.
Without black and white truth, the world has become grey.
But as Sproul stated so well, to meet God is to study contrasts—to have our true nature thrown in our face as we are thrown to our knees with our face to the floor, knowing we do not deserve His presence.
I’ve been contemplating lately why it is so hard for me to dwell on/in God’s holiness.
It’s hard to see the black and white of God’s holiness and our sinfulness when we’re so used to seeing grey.
Our eyes need to adjust to different lighting—a brighter light that reveals absolute truth, absolute separateness, and absolute definitions.
As hard as it is, I force my eyes open. I face the light. I see the contrast. I press on in the pursuit of truth, the pursuit knowing God—despite this utterly grey world.
Maybe that is a bit exaggerated, but from my experience as a student, it is not far from the truth (whoops, said it again).
Amazingly, truth is a hot-button word in our society. A conversation on the nature of truth, especially moral or religious truths, tends to go the same way as conversations about abortion or gay marriage: state beliefs, agree that what each other said was true (!) for them, and either leave or move on to other, most likely, less-threatening topics.
Less-threatening to what? To their security blanket of relativism.
But how secure is relativism? Agreeing that what someone else said was true for them simultaneously implies that it is false for you. But no one says, “what’s true for you is false for me!” Instead, they say, “what’s true for you is true for you and what is true for me is true for me!” Not only is that inanely redundant, it is an exercise in denial: denial of contrast.
Note how hard we avoid pointing out differences. Instead, we focus on more “positive” similarities. There is old cliché that what makes you different makes you beautiful, but that seems to stay within its safe range of self-esteem issues and continues to make ugly ducklings feel better about themselves.
Differences are celebrated unless they divide. If what makes you different makes you beautiful, we’re all beautiful. Oh goody.
Being separate is defining. Being different is defining. Definition is a source of truth. Definition gets you to the basics, the core, the roots.
Black and white.
R.C. Sproul quipped, “To meet God is a powerful study in contrasts.”
To meet God is to come into direct contact with what we are not, to recognize the defining separateness of God—the complete and utter inequality between Him and us.
Why is this so hard?
The world we live in is grey.
Not grey in the metaphorical sense of rain clouds and sad times—grey in the distinct lack of black and white, the distinct lack of contrast.
Our world is diverse, at least in people and cultures. Clearly, there is contrast there. Yet this is downplayed by relativism. Relativism seeks to hide ideological monotony under the guise of tolerant diversity.
Without black and white truth, the world has become grey.
But as Sproul stated so well, to meet God is to study contrasts—to have our true nature thrown in our face as we are thrown to our knees with our face to the floor, knowing we do not deserve His presence.
I’ve been contemplating lately why it is so hard for me to dwell on/in God’s holiness.
It’s hard to see the black and white of God’s holiness and our sinfulness when we’re so used to seeing grey.
Our eyes need to adjust to different lighting—a brighter light that reveals absolute truth, absolute separateness, and absolute definitions.
As hard as it is, I force my eyes open. I face the light. I see the contrast. I press on in the pursuit of truth, the pursuit knowing God—despite this utterly grey world.
Thursday, June 18, 2009
Spare [me] Change: Comments on God’s Constancy and Human Mutability
This era of my life seems to be marked by constant packing and unpacking. As a coworker mentioned at work today, change is the norm. Maybe this is why postmodernism is so popular with my generation. Change often seems the only common thread among us.
Constant change is something generally deemed good by our society: change means progress, and progress is good. However, constant change also has its drawbacks: you think you’re finally settled somewhere only to find out that it’s time to move again. Change is a constant upheaval and replanting of life, stuff, self, friends, etc. You’re roots begin to grow in some place or some status or some thing and then it’s gone.
However, God wants us to be “rooted and established” (Eph. 3:17) in Him and nothing else. Constant movingpackingunpackingmovingetc is a constant reminder that only God is immovable, only God is unchanging. Think about it: God is constant in constancy. Our norm is constant change—His norm is constant constancy. Perfection doesn’t need to change.
I can pretend to be settled in here in Fort Collins for the summer. My bags (my many, heavy, overpacked bags) are unpacked. My bed is made with my Ohio University blanket. Family and friends smile back at me from the pictures taped to my walls. But in no time, I will be packing it all up and moving on.
Yet somehow, when everything around me is changingmovingspinning… I can get settled in God’s house. I can let my roots grow deep without worries of being dug up and replanted. I can care less about being settled in this earth, settled in things of the flesh. I can focus on why I am here in the first place: to bring God glory.
How does this make God look glorious? Only an all-powerful God could take something so changing and unstable as this human life and give it firm roots, give it a firm foundation—unwavering faith in my assured salvation and eternal life bought by the blood of Jesus Christ.
Constant change is something generally deemed good by our society: change means progress, and progress is good. However, constant change also has its drawbacks: you think you’re finally settled somewhere only to find out that it’s time to move again. Change is a constant upheaval and replanting of life, stuff, self, friends, etc. You’re roots begin to grow in some place or some status or some thing and then it’s gone.
However, God wants us to be “rooted and established” (Eph. 3:17) in Him and nothing else. Constant movingpackingunpackingmovingetc is a constant reminder that only God is immovable, only God is unchanging. Think about it: God is constant in constancy. Our norm is constant change—His norm is constant constancy. Perfection doesn’t need to change.
I can pretend to be settled in here in Fort Collins for the summer. My bags (my many, heavy, overpacked bags) are unpacked. My bed is made with my Ohio University blanket. Family and friends smile back at me from the pictures taped to my walls. But in no time, I will be packing it all up and moving on.
Yet somehow, when everything around me is changingmovingspinning… I can get settled in God’s house. I can let my roots grow deep without worries of being dug up and replanted. I can care less about being settled in this earth, settled in things of the flesh. I can focus on why I am here in the first place: to bring God glory.
How does this make God look glorious? Only an all-powerful God could take something so changing and unstable as this human life and give it firm roots, give it a firm foundation—unwavering faith in my assured salvation and eternal life bought by the blood of Jesus Christ.
Wednesday, May 27, 2009
Fresh Start.. Sort of
I set up this blog with the intention of only using it for the summer (last summer, that is). I figured it would be a way to catalog memories and happenings for myself and my finite mind, as well as a tool to keep family, friends, and supporters updated on my life and ministry that summer because I had limited phone and internet use.
I've been contemplating using this blog again for awhile, and tonight, while sitting in the library putting off homework, that will finally happen.
The focus of this blog is going to be intentionally different than before. As mentioned, it was a way for me to remember things and for me to share with others what I was doing.
Admittedly, blogs, twitter, facebook, and the like are naturally self-centered things. However, I am willing to accept the challenge of making this consciously less me-centered and more God-centered.
With that in mind, I will be using it this summer sort of like last summer, sharing how God is working through my ministry. But it is a new summer, a new location, and a much different ministry setting. God will be using my writing and editing abilities to serve Him with Campus Crusade for Christ in Colorado helping prepare for their biennial National Staff Conference.
While I'm super-excited to see how God can work through the passions and abilities He's given me, right now I'm in the middle of support raising for my trip. I have to raise $3000 to work with Crusade this summer. Building a team of supporters is an intrinsically Christ-centered endeavor because it gives others a chance to invest in the eternal cause of Christ and witness what God is doing through one's ministry. I'm trusting God for 75% in the next few weeks.
Anyway, I should probably get on that homework I mentioned earlier, loving God with my mind and my time.
Always in Him,
Audrey
I've been contemplating using this blog again for awhile, and tonight, while sitting in the library putting off homework, that will finally happen.
The focus of this blog is going to be intentionally different than before. As mentioned, it was a way for me to remember things and for me to share with others what I was doing.
Admittedly, blogs, twitter, facebook, and the like are naturally self-centered things. However, I am willing to accept the challenge of making this consciously less me-centered and more God-centered.
With that in mind, I will be using it this summer sort of like last summer, sharing how God is working through my ministry. But it is a new summer, a new location, and a much different ministry setting. God will be using my writing and editing abilities to serve Him with Campus Crusade for Christ in Colorado helping prepare for their biennial National Staff Conference.
While I'm super-excited to see how God can work through the passions and abilities He's given me, right now I'm in the middle of support raising for my trip. I have to raise $3000 to work with Crusade this summer. Building a team of supporters is an intrinsically Christ-centered endeavor because it gives others a chance to invest in the eternal cause of Christ and witness what God is doing through one's ministry. I'm trusting God for 75% in the next few weeks.
Anyway, I should probably get on that homework I mentioned earlier, loving God with my mind and my time.
Always in Him,
Audrey
Tuesday, August 19, 2008
Last Week at KD/Back Home Again
Week 7 turned out to be a very chill week and a very good week to end on. I left off last time telling you that I was heading to the lake. It was beautiful out there. The weather was cool, but comfortably so. We didn't do a lot of tubing or anything extreme, but Ashley and Sarah and I just chilled on the boat- ate some watermelon, listened to David Crowder, took a small nap. It was good.
Monday we didn't have our usual Bible study in the morning, but we combined it with our usual Monday afternoon girl time. Meredith decided to focus on the themes of surrender and Christian suffering, which seemed to be reoccuring issues throughout project. We thought about what we valued and protected, if we would give that up if God asked, and how we would respond if it was taken away. Some pretty hard questions really. Then we talked about some examples of suffering in the Bible and the was that God used it. Then we all chose a rock, a decently-sized rock, and wrote down all those things that we burden ourselves with. Hebrews 12:1 tells us to "throw off everything that hinders." So we did that. We threw our rocks down into this creek below the outdoor chapel where we were. It was very liberating. Since we still had some extra time before dinner we all went to Graeter's to get some icecream! Mmm!
A little while after dinner City Cure had a surprise-ish party for us, to show us how much they appreciate our work. Barry Baker gave us each a rock to remind us that we are stone-rollers. To summarize what he said, in the story of the Ressurection, the stone was rolled away from the tomb not so that Jesus could get out, but so that people could see in and see the truth of Jesus. Basically, that is what we did for these children. We rolled away the stone so they could see the truth of Jesus. Pretty cool stuff.
Tuesday before the kids came I had to go to the post office to take care of some random stuff. I was going to go to the Lebanon one, because it was easy to get to, but Tonya had to pick up a package at the Oregonia post office, so we went there. It was the smallest post office I'd ever seen!! Tiny! It was so quaint because when they found out we were from King's Domain they went ahead and gave us all the mail for King's Domain to take back with us, haha. It was cute.
The kids came as usual. I was in cabin two with Kelly, but because she is one of the judges, she wasn't with me when the cabins were announced. I was a little worried at first because half of the girls were crying from the get-go. Not a good start. However, they cheered up pretty fast. The rest of the day went pretty well. We had a few trouble-makers, but in general they listened to directions and got along well. They were definitely more open than in past weeks. They shared a lot about their lives, good and bad. One of my campers had a mom in jail, that was really sad to hear. But she was a great girl. It was just about the best F.O.B time I'd had alls summer. They were all out like a light almost right away. In the evening, our small group didn't seem to go very well. Most were falling asleep or distracted. But Kelly and I still trusted that God was going to show them what they needed even if we didn't see it happening.
Tuesday night Kelly and I went outside to de-brief for the day and ended up talking for about 2 hours! Luckily the kids were asleep pretty fast, so we could have more time to talk. It was really great to help her with what she was going through and also be able to sort of some stuff that was going on in my life. I'm a very external processor, so it's necessary for me to talk through things to understand and figure out stuff.
Wednesday was a pretty good day. We still only had minor discipline problems. It was ballet week, so instead of our normal workshops all the kids had ballet class in the morning. Leadership divided up our time, so each day we only had to be at an hour of dance class. Seeing the ballet really brought me back to my dancing days, making me regret my fateful decision to quit. Anyway, Wednesday I got some free time, so I got an extra nap, that was nice. F.O.B. time was good again, but this time it was because one of my little girls, DeMaya, had basically brought a library with her and was sharing all of her books with everyone. It was awesome to see them all reading for fun!! Wednesday night is commando night, which is always very fun. My kids were really close to winning and got really upset that they didn't. It got a little crazy because we had some girls who were really disrespecting because they were pouting so much, but Kelly and I were somehow able to get it under some kind of control before showers.
Thursday is always my favorite day of the week. Instead of free time during dance I got discipleship time with Meredith. I hadn't really gotten any time to talk to her all project, so it was nice to talk through some stuff with her and confirm some things I had talked about with Kelly the previous nights. It started to rain a little, so we didn't do the Expedition like we normally do it. We went down the road rather than the muddy trail and just went through the colors at the cross. Instead of only one or two girls having to go, we had about half the group that had to go in the woods, haha. That was interesting. It started raining again while we were at the pool, so they bussed us up to the top of the hill to watch a movie (Barnyard). It was cute. I love watching movies like that with kids because of their comments. Jaylah was sitting in my lap and she had some pretty cute questions (although she fell asleep half-way through). Then after dinner, instead of playing games on the lower fields, they had various activities by the DH for everyone. Jaylah and I had fun at the dance party.
Thursday night was interesting. At Domainia, one of my girls was really deeply touched by the gospel message, which is awesome. But three of my girls decided that silly putty looked like bubblegum... which created an embarrassing situation for them when they realized it wasn't. Poor things had sore throats for the rest of the evening. I had a pretty serious talk with them about not eating things that aren't clearly labeled as food! It was pretty funny though.
Then at midnight about 6 or 7 of the girls came into my room and whispered happy birthday to me because I wouldn't get up and go outside, haha. It is amazing that none of my campers woke up. In the morning my campers sung happy birthday to me and gave me hugs. I loved that. Meredith got me and Ty (whose Birthday it also was) some starbucks. I got a skinny caramel latte. Mmm! Of course they sang us the Birthday Rap during breakfast. I wanted to record it, but didn't. Instead, I will at least write down the lyrics here so I don't forget!
Everybody put your hands in the air!
One, two, three, and to the fo'
It's birthday time in the KD yo!
So come on everybody and get on your feet
And dance to the rhythm of the birthday beat!
clap your hands!
clap your hands!
stomp your feet!
stomp your feet!
Now lean back, lean back, lean back lean back.
Now everybody just jump jump jump!
Everybody just jump jump jump!
Here we go,
Happy Birthday to you
wikki wikki
Happy Birthday to you
wikki wikki
Happy Birthday, Happy Birthday, Happy Birthday to you!
wikki wikki word
Friday was a day so full of mixed feelings. I was happy because it was my 19th birthday, but it was sad because I was leaving a place I had grown to love so much. Normally when the kid's leave there's always the hope they'll be back in weeks to come, but this Friday I couldn't have that hope. They were going back for good, at least until next summer. I went back on the bus with the kids, Jaylah fell asleep on my lap. I cried. I couldn't help myself. I knew I was going to miss these kids so much. Especially little Jaylah who had grown so attached to me. When we got to church and her uncle came to pick her up, it was really hard to say bye, for both of us. Her uncle didn't even look happy to see her, this precious little bundle of joy and cuteness. It broke my heart. I wish I lived closer. Jaylah wanted me to come visit, but I had to explain that I don't live in Cincinnati. I can still feel her little arms around me so tight. It still makes me tear up just thinking about it.
After all the kids were taken care of, the staff who had gone with the kids went out to lunch at Penn Station, that was yummy. I'd never had it before, I think it's a Cincinnati thing. When we got back to camp we didn't have a formal de-brief like normal, we just did camp close-out stuff. Then showered and got ready to go to Niwana's house for dinner and fun.
Some people left Friday night, that was hard. I left Saturday morning around 9, trying to make my good-byes as short as possible. I didn't want to start crying. I with-held my tears while I was around people, but as soon as I started to drive out of camp the tears came. I cried most of the way home really. Other than that it was a pretty easy drive.
When I got home, Nanny and Chris were there to welcome me and give me my cards and gifts. A few hours later Austin came. Then we went to a show Chris had in some random barn. Kat came with, it was a pretty good show. I only stayed for Chris's set because I was really tired, but he played well. He says he bombed it, but I still think it was good.
After the show Austin gave me all of his gifts. He had already given me three roses earlier (which are still blooming beautifully) just for seeing me again. The gifts were awesome! He got me a rock from Mt. Fuji, and a scarf thing from there, as well as some Yen. He also got me these Japanese Koala cookies that I loved when I was kid. So yummy! On top of that he got me two stuffed bunnies from Japan's Disney. They have magnets that makes them stick together. The boy bunny has flowers that transfer to the girl bunny's arm. It's so cute. And it's not done there! He also got me a book of the complete C.S. Lewis essentials, and Vineland by Thomas Pynchon. I'm pretty sure that's all. It was really great.
Unfortunately, after he had given me all that, we had to have a more serious talk. We decided that God really wants us to take a break from the relationship to work on some things individually. After a lot of prayer, we're pretty sure that God still wants us to get back together, but that we just need some time not in a relationship to work things out. Both of us are pretty excited about what God is going to do in this time apart.
It's still weird to be home. I'm not quite used to all this free time yet. But I guess it doesn't matter because I move back in for RA training on Monday already. I don't feel quite ready for that either. I'm only beginning to process all the stuff I learned in the 7 weeks I spent at King's Domain. It's going to take awhile for me to really understand it all and apply it as well. I'm glad that facebook and phone calls still keep me in contact with all the awesome ladies that I grew so close to, that will be awesome support for the weeks.
Overall, I can say that my heart now has a special place reserved for Cincinnati, or at least for it's children.
Monday we didn't have our usual Bible study in the morning, but we combined it with our usual Monday afternoon girl time. Meredith decided to focus on the themes of surrender and Christian suffering, which seemed to be reoccuring issues throughout project. We thought about what we valued and protected, if we would give that up if God asked, and how we would respond if it was taken away. Some pretty hard questions really. Then we talked about some examples of suffering in the Bible and the was that God used it. Then we all chose a rock, a decently-sized rock, and wrote down all those things that we burden ourselves with. Hebrews 12:1 tells us to "throw off everything that hinders." So we did that. We threw our rocks down into this creek below the outdoor chapel where we were. It was very liberating. Since we still had some extra time before dinner we all went to Graeter's to get some icecream! Mmm!
A little while after dinner City Cure had a surprise-ish party for us, to show us how much they appreciate our work. Barry Baker gave us each a rock to remind us that we are stone-rollers. To summarize what he said, in the story of the Ressurection, the stone was rolled away from the tomb not so that Jesus could get out, but so that people could see in and see the truth of Jesus. Basically, that is what we did for these children. We rolled away the stone so they could see the truth of Jesus. Pretty cool stuff.
Tuesday before the kids came I had to go to the post office to take care of some random stuff. I was going to go to the Lebanon one, because it was easy to get to, but Tonya had to pick up a package at the Oregonia post office, so we went there. It was the smallest post office I'd ever seen!! Tiny! It was so quaint because when they found out we were from King's Domain they went ahead and gave us all the mail for King's Domain to take back with us, haha. It was cute.
The kids came as usual. I was in cabin two with Kelly, but because she is one of the judges, she wasn't with me when the cabins were announced. I was a little worried at first because half of the girls were crying from the get-go. Not a good start. However, they cheered up pretty fast. The rest of the day went pretty well. We had a few trouble-makers, but in general they listened to directions and got along well. They were definitely more open than in past weeks. They shared a lot about their lives, good and bad. One of my campers had a mom in jail, that was really sad to hear. But she was a great girl. It was just about the best F.O.B time I'd had alls summer. They were all out like a light almost right away. In the evening, our small group didn't seem to go very well. Most were falling asleep or distracted. But Kelly and I still trusted that God was going to show them what they needed even if we didn't see it happening.
Tuesday night Kelly and I went outside to de-brief for the day and ended up talking for about 2 hours! Luckily the kids were asleep pretty fast, so we could have more time to talk. It was really great to help her with what she was going through and also be able to sort of some stuff that was going on in my life. I'm a very external processor, so it's necessary for me to talk through things to understand and figure out stuff.
Wednesday was a pretty good day. We still only had minor discipline problems. It was ballet week, so instead of our normal workshops all the kids had ballet class in the morning. Leadership divided up our time, so each day we only had to be at an hour of dance class. Seeing the ballet really brought me back to my dancing days, making me regret my fateful decision to quit. Anyway, Wednesday I got some free time, so I got an extra nap, that was nice. F.O.B. time was good again, but this time it was because one of my little girls, DeMaya, had basically brought a library with her and was sharing all of her books with everyone. It was awesome to see them all reading for fun!! Wednesday night is commando night, which is always very fun. My kids were really close to winning and got really upset that they didn't. It got a little crazy because we had some girls who were really disrespecting because they were pouting so much, but Kelly and I were somehow able to get it under some kind of control before showers.
Thursday is always my favorite day of the week. Instead of free time during dance I got discipleship time with Meredith. I hadn't really gotten any time to talk to her all project, so it was nice to talk through some stuff with her and confirm some things I had talked about with Kelly the previous nights. It started to rain a little, so we didn't do the Expedition like we normally do it. We went down the road rather than the muddy trail and just went through the colors at the cross. Instead of only one or two girls having to go, we had about half the group that had to go in the woods, haha. That was interesting. It started raining again while we were at the pool, so they bussed us up to the top of the hill to watch a movie (Barnyard). It was cute. I love watching movies like that with kids because of their comments. Jaylah was sitting in my lap and she had some pretty cute questions (although she fell asleep half-way through). Then after dinner, instead of playing games on the lower fields, they had various activities by the DH for everyone. Jaylah and I had fun at the dance party.
Thursday night was interesting. At Domainia, one of my girls was really deeply touched by the gospel message, which is awesome. But three of my girls decided that silly putty looked like bubblegum... which created an embarrassing situation for them when they realized it wasn't. Poor things had sore throats for the rest of the evening. I had a pretty serious talk with them about not eating things that aren't clearly labeled as food! It was pretty funny though.
Then at midnight about 6 or 7 of the girls came into my room and whispered happy birthday to me because I wouldn't get up and go outside, haha. It is amazing that none of my campers woke up. In the morning my campers sung happy birthday to me and gave me hugs. I loved that. Meredith got me and Ty (whose Birthday it also was) some starbucks. I got a skinny caramel latte. Mmm! Of course they sang us the Birthday Rap during breakfast. I wanted to record it, but didn't. Instead, I will at least write down the lyrics here so I don't forget!
Everybody put your hands in the air!
One, two, three, and to the fo'
It's birthday time in the KD yo!
So come on everybody and get on your feet
And dance to the rhythm of the birthday beat!
clap your hands!
clap your hands!
stomp your feet!
stomp your feet!
Now lean back, lean back, lean back lean back.
Now everybody just jump jump jump!
Everybody just jump jump jump!
Here we go,
Happy Birthday to you
wikki wikki
Happy Birthday to you
wikki wikki
Happy Birthday, Happy Birthday, Happy Birthday to you!
wikki wikki word
Friday was a day so full of mixed feelings. I was happy because it was my 19th birthday, but it was sad because I was leaving a place I had grown to love so much. Normally when the kid's leave there's always the hope they'll be back in weeks to come, but this Friday I couldn't have that hope. They were going back for good, at least until next summer. I went back on the bus with the kids, Jaylah fell asleep on my lap. I cried. I couldn't help myself. I knew I was going to miss these kids so much. Especially little Jaylah who had grown so attached to me. When we got to church and her uncle came to pick her up, it was really hard to say bye, for both of us. Her uncle didn't even look happy to see her, this precious little bundle of joy and cuteness. It broke my heart. I wish I lived closer. Jaylah wanted me to come visit, but I had to explain that I don't live in Cincinnati. I can still feel her little arms around me so tight. It still makes me tear up just thinking about it.
After all the kids were taken care of, the staff who had gone with the kids went out to lunch at Penn Station, that was yummy. I'd never had it before, I think it's a Cincinnati thing. When we got back to camp we didn't have a formal de-brief like normal, we just did camp close-out stuff. Then showered and got ready to go to Niwana's house for dinner and fun.
Some people left Friday night, that was hard. I left Saturday morning around 9, trying to make my good-byes as short as possible. I didn't want to start crying. I with-held my tears while I was around people, but as soon as I started to drive out of camp the tears came. I cried most of the way home really. Other than that it was a pretty easy drive.
When I got home, Nanny and Chris were there to welcome me and give me my cards and gifts. A few hours later Austin came. Then we went to a show Chris had in some random barn. Kat came with, it was a pretty good show. I only stayed for Chris's set because I was really tired, but he played well. He says he bombed it, but I still think it was good.
After the show Austin gave me all of his gifts. He had already given me three roses earlier (which are still blooming beautifully) just for seeing me again. The gifts were awesome! He got me a rock from Mt. Fuji, and a scarf thing from there, as well as some Yen. He also got me these Japanese Koala cookies that I loved when I was kid. So yummy! On top of that he got me two stuffed bunnies from Japan's Disney. They have magnets that makes them stick together. The boy bunny has flowers that transfer to the girl bunny's arm. It's so cute. And it's not done there! He also got me a book of the complete C.S. Lewis essentials, and Vineland by Thomas Pynchon. I'm pretty sure that's all. It was really great.
Unfortunately, after he had given me all that, we had to have a more serious talk. We decided that God really wants us to take a break from the relationship to work on some things individually. After a lot of prayer, we're pretty sure that God still wants us to get back together, but that we just need some time not in a relationship to work things out. Both of us are pretty excited about what God is going to do in this time apart.
It's still weird to be home. I'm not quite used to all this free time yet. But I guess it doesn't matter because I move back in for RA training on Monday already. I don't feel quite ready for that either. I'm only beginning to process all the stuff I learned in the 7 weeks I spent at King's Domain. It's going to take awhile for me to really understand it all and apply it as well. I'm glad that facebook and phone calls still keep me in contact with all the awesome ladies that I grew so close to, that will be awesome support for the weeks.
Overall, I can say that my heart now has a special place reserved for Cincinnati, or at least for it's children.
Sunday, August 10, 2008
Week 6: Awesomeness
After such a weird week, week 6 turned out to be one of the best weeks I've had here so far. I was a little worried at first, because we didn't have many momentum helpers and the ones we did have had never done this before. I knew that there was going to be a lot of kids coming, so finding out that I would only have one momentum to help me out was a little scary. But of course, God blessed the week and while there were some times that having one momentum slowed us down, for the most part it went pretty smoothly.
I think I've mentioned before that each week kind of has a theme. Well, this week was community week. So our Bible study on Monday morning focused on what it means to be a community of believers and what the Biblke tells us the body of Christ looks like.
Monday afternoon we had some girl time, with snacks as usual, and we wrote everyone a note of encouragement. We did a similar thing when my Bible study at OU was ending. Here at camp, it was surprising how much we had learned about each other and how close we'd grown in only 5 or so weeks. To kick off community week we also watched
Tuesday I was very ready for the kids to come. I felt way more refreshed and rested than I did at the beginning of last week. It was raining, so we had to change the schedule a little, but I think it actually worked out better because we had more time with to get to know the campers and it wasn't as rushed as a normal Tuesday afternoon. One of my campers from the craziest week ever came back, which I was sooo happy about because I finally could get to know her better. And I'm glad I did. She is one of my favorite campers that I've had. She is so precious! Her name is Semira and she loves rocks. She collects them here at camp, but she told me at home she collects broken cell phones and acorns.
By Wednesday it had stopped raining. During workshops we got some extra time to chill, so that was extra-refreshing. After lunch we did the expedition, which I have already explained. It went pretty well, but someone had to pee in the middle of it again. We got her to go outside, but she ended up peeing on her clothes while going outside, so we still ahd to get those washed. Luckily she was in her bathing suit so she could just take them off right there.
Thursday, Antioch, the church we go to, came out to the family picnic and Domainia. I'm glad they got to see the camp and the children that they were supporting, but we had some random band play at Domainia instead of Darris and his crew, so they didn't get to experience a really good Domainia.
During the gospel skit (where we present the story of the prodigal son in a modern day setting), I was sitting with Semira and in the scene where Tiff (the character) gets shot she started crying and said "I don't like that part." Poor thing. She's only 8. I can separate myself from stuff like that because it doesn't happen around me, but for her it's all to real. My heart broke for her.
After the gospel skit, someone from CityCure/Whiz Kids presented the gospel. Most of my girls were falling asleep, but one girl started crying while she was saying the prayer to have Jesus come into her life. My co-counselor asked her why and she said that she was just so happy to be praying that. It was pretty awesome to see God working like that.
Friday we did our normal Chipotle routine and went frolicking again. We ran into our friend Kelsey from OU at Chipotle so they came frolicking as well. Saturday night was Darri's band's concert. Jalyssa (a friend from OU), Kelsey, Ty, Kelsey's friend and I all went out to dinner at Red Robin before the concert. It was way fun to hang out with some old friends from OU again. The concert of course rocked, and they were able to raise some money for KD as well. So that was cool.
Today church at Antioch was good. I'm sad that it's the last time I'll be there, but it was a good sermon. I like that Dave doesn't shy away from tough topics. Today we talked about how to stay pure in a sex-crazed world. He had some really awesome thoughts. After church we went to Buffalo Wild Wings for lunch. MMM. It was yummyyy.
Now I'm going to the lake that we went to a couple weekends ago. So I have to head out. Ending thoughts: This week really showed me how much joy God gives you when you are truly surrendering every situation and moment to Him! It was definitely a joy-filled week.
In Christ,
Audrey
I think I've mentioned before that each week kind of has a theme. Well, this week was community week. So our Bible study on Monday morning focused on what it means to be a community of believers and what the Biblke tells us the body of Christ looks like.
Monday afternoon we had some girl time, with snacks as usual, and we wrote everyone a note of encouragement. We did a similar thing when my Bible study at OU was ending. Here at camp, it was surprising how much we had learned about each other and how close we'd grown in only 5 or so weeks. To kick off community week we also watched
Tuesday I was very ready for the kids to come. I felt way more refreshed and rested than I did at the beginning of last week. It was raining, so we had to change the schedule a little, but I think it actually worked out better because we had more time with to get to know the campers and it wasn't as rushed as a normal Tuesday afternoon. One of my campers from the craziest week ever came back, which I was sooo happy about because I finally could get to know her better. And I'm glad I did. She is one of my favorite campers that I've had. She is so precious! Her name is Semira and she loves rocks. She collects them here at camp, but she told me at home she collects broken cell phones and acorns.
By Wednesday it had stopped raining. During workshops we got some extra time to chill, so that was extra-refreshing. After lunch we did the expedition, which I have already explained. It went pretty well, but someone had to pee in the middle of it again. We got her to go outside, but she ended up peeing on her clothes while going outside, so we still ahd to get those washed. Luckily she was in her bathing suit so she could just take them off right there.
Thursday, Antioch, the church we go to, came out to the family picnic and Domainia. I'm glad they got to see the camp and the children that they were supporting, but we had some random band play at Domainia instead of Darris and his crew, so they didn't get to experience a really good Domainia.
During the gospel skit (where we present the story of the prodigal son in a modern day setting), I was sitting with Semira and in the scene where Tiff (the character) gets shot she started crying and said "I don't like that part." Poor thing. She's only 8. I can separate myself from stuff like that because it doesn't happen around me, but for her it's all to real. My heart broke for her.
After the gospel skit, someone from CityCure/Whiz Kids presented the gospel. Most of my girls were falling asleep, but one girl started crying while she was saying the prayer to have Jesus come into her life. My co-counselor asked her why and she said that she was just so happy to be praying that. It was pretty awesome to see God working like that.
Friday we did our normal Chipotle routine and went frolicking again. We ran into our friend Kelsey from OU at Chipotle so they came frolicking as well. Saturday night was Darri's band's concert. Jalyssa (a friend from OU), Kelsey, Ty, Kelsey's friend and I all went out to dinner at Red Robin before the concert. It was way fun to hang out with some old friends from OU again. The concert of course rocked, and they were able to raise some money for KD as well. So that was cool.
Today church at Antioch was good. I'm sad that it's the last time I'll be there, but it was a good sermon. I like that Dave doesn't shy away from tough topics. Today we talked about how to stay pure in a sex-crazed world. He had some really awesome thoughts. After church we went to Buffalo Wild Wings for lunch. MMM. It was yummyyy.
Now I'm going to the lake that we went to a couple weekends ago. So I have to head out. Ending thoughts: This week really showed me how much joy God gives you when you are truly surrendering every situation and moment to Him! It was definitely a joy-filled week.
In Christ,
Audrey
Sunday, August 3, 2008
Week 5: Rollercoaster
Week 5 was a weird week. Not nearly as crazy as week 4, but full of ups and downs. It started off well. Monday might as well have been Girl Day. It seemed like our girl time lasted all day. We had our usual Bible study Monday morning before breakfast. It was all about being able to rest in the Lord and His grace, which was appropriate because we all had had such a tough week. It was interesting to consider how most people consider "getting away" for a little while as being true rest, but it usually is just post-poned burnout. The only true rest is in Christ. In Isaiah 40:31, it says "They will run and not grow weary, they will walk and ot faint." I used to always focus on the fact that they are doing, that they are constantly running or walking. But in Bible study I realized that the emphasis should not be on their constant action, but the fact that they are never weary because they are in a constant state of rest, so they can keep going.
Then we had from breakfast until lunch to spend time with God and rejuvinate. I didn't really get the time I wanted to for some reason. I felt really spiritually dry, and I didn't want to start off my week that way. Luckily, after lunch we had girl time, which was great. We played "hot seat," where everyone is in the "hot seat" for 2 and a half minutes which means they can be asked any question from anyone about anything. It's a fun way to get to know everyone. Some questions are funny, some are serious. Then we took a survey type thing anonymously about our sins. When we turned them in, they shuffled them and passed them back out. We went through the list and if yes was circled on the paper you got you raised your hand. It was a good way of seeing that other people struggle with the same things you do. Then we went into a time of confession and encouragement. Eventually we had to break for dinner, but the leadership realized that there was still more sharing to be done so we met again in the evening. I feel like that's when the real emotions came out, at least for me. Getting thing's off my chest has never felt so relieving. It not only made me feel so much better, it made the whole group of girls so much closer. Being able to share in each others' struggles and encourage was amazing.
Tuesday I still felt emotionally, spiritually, and physically drained from the week before. I felt like I did just not rest enough that weekend. I took some time to pray and process before the kids came, but I still felt sort of out of it. Once the day started going, things only went downhill. My co-counselor and I were having some difficulties leading as a team and then I started to get a migraine. Those of you who know me well know that I have migraine problems. I've been blessed to not have any for the 4 week before this, but it seems like it was just saving it up for Tuesday. I took some medicine and laid down for a bit, but it only got worse. I slept in the nurses station that night and woke up feeling terrible. I even threw up. Eventually half-way through Wednesday I was feeling good enough to function, but I felt like I'd missed so much it was hard to get back into the swing of things. Pretty much until Friday afternoon I felt spiritually disconnected and dry. It wasn't good for me, my campers, or my relationship with my co-counselor.
Then during our de-briefing session, God smacked me in the face and woke me up. Leeann shared some really awesome thoughts that inspired me and stirred in my heart the passion that had somehow disappeared during the week. One thing she said that really hit home was that our only job this summer is to be Jesus to these kids. How blessed am I that my only concern for the next two weeks is being Jesus to these kids!! Once school starts, I have so many obligations and roles to fill that it's a struggle sometimes to make sure I'm not neglected my call as Christian. But here... here I don't have to worry about that. My only goal is to be Jesus to my campers. The rollercoaster was heading back up the hill!
Friday night was really fun. We of course had to get Chipotle for dinner, but a few of us also wanted to check out this Blues Festival going on nearby. So we found the park.. but it turns out the park is huge.. so we ended up just parking and literally frolicking through a meadow at sunset. It was so fun just being goofy with friends.
Saturday went out to a nearby lake, Ceaser's Creek, and went jet-skiing and tubing and played on the beach. I only stayed for a few hours because I was going to go get dinner with my friend Caroline who lives in the area, but I started to feel really sick at the last minute. So it was good that I drove separately because I needed to get back to camp. I finally felt better by around 8:30, but I hadn't eaten dinner, so I started to head out of camp to grab some fast food when I ran into Tammi, who I didn't even realize was at camp. So she came with me and we had a good chat over our Burger King and Speedway slushies. Most of the crew was back from the lake when we got back from our late dinner. It was a beautiful night, so we all sat outside and talked and listened to the guitar being played and looked at the stars.
Saturday night before bed I also had some really good God time. God's really been blessing my reading of His word and really confirming that I have the spiritual gift of knowledge. It's so awesome that we have a God who talks to us through His word and how we can always find Him when we seek Him, just like He promised!
Today at Antioch, continuing with the series of "People Like Us With Problems Like Ours," Pastor Dave talked about Amaziah, who he admittedly had never really heard of until recently. Amaziah is really a sad story. He did what was pleasing to God, but he never did it wholeheartedly (like Caleb) so he soon fell away from God. He really challenged us to consider if we're doing things for God wholeheartedly and to find out what is in our way, which is usually pride or idolatry.
God really answered my prayers for passion and healing my spritual dryness that plagued me this past week. I felt very refreshed today and completely full of the joy of the Lord. Totally free of worries. I really felt today what it means to rest in Him, nearly a week after that Bible study that focused on that idea. I just started to study Acts and in Acts 3:19-20 it says "Repent therefore, and turn again, that your sins may be blotted out, that times of refreshing may come from the presence of the Lord..." It's a pretty simple formula. What do we do? Repent and turn. What will God do? Forget our sins and refresh us. I really like that it says in the ESV version "turn *again*" It's not just a one time event; it's a repeated process of repenting and turning back to God so we can be forgiven and refreshed.
Now I have to go move into my cabin for next week, Cabin 3, and go to worship! (which I'm sure will be amazing!)
In Christ,
Audrey
Then we had from breakfast until lunch to spend time with God and rejuvinate. I didn't really get the time I wanted to for some reason. I felt really spiritually dry, and I didn't want to start off my week that way. Luckily, after lunch we had girl time, which was great. We played "hot seat," where everyone is in the "hot seat" for 2 and a half minutes which means they can be asked any question from anyone about anything. It's a fun way to get to know everyone. Some questions are funny, some are serious. Then we took a survey type thing anonymously about our sins. When we turned them in, they shuffled them and passed them back out. We went through the list and if yes was circled on the paper you got you raised your hand. It was a good way of seeing that other people struggle with the same things you do. Then we went into a time of confession and encouragement. Eventually we had to break for dinner, but the leadership realized that there was still more sharing to be done so we met again in the evening. I feel like that's when the real emotions came out, at least for me. Getting thing's off my chest has never felt so relieving. It not only made me feel so much better, it made the whole group of girls so much closer. Being able to share in each others' struggles and encourage was amazing.
Tuesday I still felt emotionally, spiritually, and physically drained from the week before. I felt like I did just not rest enough that weekend. I took some time to pray and process before the kids came, but I still felt sort of out of it. Once the day started going, things only went downhill. My co-counselor and I were having some difficulties leading as a team and then I started to get a migraine. Those of you who know me well know that I have migraine problems. I've been blessed to not have any for the 4 week before this, but it seems like it was just saving it up for Tuesday. I took some medicine and laid down for a bit, but it only got worse. I slept in the nurses station that night and woke up feeling terrible. I even threw up. Eventually half-way through Wednesday I was feeling good enough to function, but I felt like I'd missed so much it was hard to get back into the swing of things. Pretty much until Friday afternoon I felt spiritually disconnected and dry. It wasn't good for me, my campers, or my relationship with my co-counselor.
Then during our de-briefing session, God smacked me in the face and woke me up. Leeann shared some really awesome thoughts that inspired me and stirred in my heart the passion that had somehow disappeared during the week. One thing she said that really hit home was that our only job this summer is to be Jesus to these kids. How blessed am I that my only concern for the next two weeks is being Jesus to these kids!! Once school starts, I have so many obligations and roles to fill that it's a struggle sometimes to make sure I'm not neglected my call as Christian. But here... here I don't have to worry about that. My only goal is to be Jesus to my campers. The rollercoaster was heading back up the hill!
Friday night was really fun. We of course had to get Chipotle for dinner, but a few of us also wanted to check out this Blues Festival going on nearby. So we found the park.. but it turns out the park is huge.. so we ended up just parking and literally frolicking through a meadow at sunset. It was so fun just being goofy with friends.
Saturday went out to a nearby lake, Ceaser's Creek, and went jet-skiing and tubing and played on the beach. I only stayed for a few hours because I was going to go get dinner with my friend Caroline who lives in the area, but I started to feel really sick at the last minute. So it was good that I drove separately because I needed to get back to camp. I finally felt better by around 8:30, but I hadn't eaten dinner, so I started to head out of camp to grab some fast food when I ran into Tammi, who I didn't even realize was at camp. So she came with me and we had a good chat over our Burger King and Speedway slushies. Most of the crew was back from the lake when we got back from our late dinner. It was a beautiful night, so we all sat outside and talked and listened to the guitar being played and looked at the stars.
Saturday night before bed I also had some really good God time. God's really been blessing my reading of His word and really confirming that I have the spiritual gift of knowledge. It's so awesome that we have a God who talks to us through His word and how we can always find Him when we seek Him, just like He promised!
Today at Antioch, continuing with the series of "People Like Us With Problems Like Ours," Pastor Dave talked about Amaziah, who he admittedly had never really heard of until recently. Amaziah is really a sad story. He did what was pleasing to God, but he never did it wholeheartedly (like Caleb) so he soon fell away from God. He really challenged us to consider if we're doing things for God wholeheartedly and to find out what is in our way, which is usually pride or idolatry.
God really answered my prayers for passion and healing my spritual dryness that plagued me this past week. I felt very refreshed today and completely full of the joy of the Lord. Totally free of worries. I really felt today what it means to rest in Him, nearly a week after that Bible study that focused on that idea. I just started to study Acts and in Acts 3:19-20 it says "Repent therefore, and turn again, that your sins may be blotted out, that times of refreshing may come from the presence of the Lord..." It's a pretty simple formula. What do we do? Repent and turn. What will God do? Forget our sins and refresh us. I really like that it says in the ESV version "turn *again*" It's not just a one time event; it's a repeated process of repenting and turning back to God so we can be forgiven and refreshed.
Now I have to go move into my cabin for next week, Cabin 3, and go to worship! (which I'm sure will be amazing!)
In Christ,
Audrey
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